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Normal Topic Please, need your support.  My dear friend is (Read 2,754 times)
Medicine Guru
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Please, need your support.  My dear friend is
Jan 15th, 2009 at 2:50am
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oh boy, where to begin?  I've never been good at putting my thoughts into words, but I will try.

About a month ago, i had to have my female golden retriever "Phoenix" put down.  I got Phoenix as a puppy during the late 90's when I was a senior in high school.  Simply put, she was the greatest dog I have ever had.  So loyal and gentle.  Over the years she has been in my life I couldn't ask for a better friend.  She was always right there with me during all the trials and tribulations that life threw at me.  I even had a roommate at one time who had a 9 month old baby son named Carson.  Phoenix would follow the baby all around the house, keeping her eye on him.  She would even bark and come and get my roommate if she though Carson was too for away or getting into trouble.  Never have I seen such loyalty, love, and tenderness before.  I swear Phoenix would take a bullet for you.  Then not so long ago, our vet informed me that Phoenix has an inoperable intestinal tumor that was compressing her internal organs and that nothing could be done.  She didn't have much time left at all.  With my head held up high and my heart ripped apart, I made the appointment to have her put down.  When the vet injected the chemical into Phoenix, I held her head and whispered to her that everything will be ok and that I will always love you.  I have never been the same since, which is why I am posting this now.

I became a nurse because i really care about people and I enjoy helping others out.  As a nurse, I have been exposed to death a lot in my career.  I have dealt with the task of preparing bodies for delivery to the morgue, I've had several patients die right infront of me.  Although each death affects you, you do get used to it,  and you learn to deal with it quiet well.  I've never been a person to bottle up my emotions.  Over my lifetime and especially in the past 5 years, i have been to several funerals of passed loved ones and personal friends.  While I miss them all dearly,  I never cried during any of their deaths.  Sure I felt sad that my friend of relative is gone, and I would grieve in my own way, but I never shed a single tear.  I know is sounds strange, but i guess it is just the way i deal with it.

However,  when I was informed that Phoenix would have to be put down, I cried my heart out.  I cried hysterically while I cradled her head in one hand and held her paw with the other during the euthanasia.  And after all this time I'm still crying really hard about it.  I think about it with almost every other thought I have.  It has gotten to the point where I have become very depressed.  It's strange how human death doesn't bother me that much, but the death of my dog is tearing me apart.   I guess it is because my occupation has desensitized me to human death, or maybe because I feel like i pulled the trigger by allowing Phoenix to be put down.  I don't know why.  I've thought about talking to a Psychiatrist , but I don't have medical insurance and it would really squeeze the budget.  I really appreciate any insight you can provide.

Thank you anyone for your support.
  
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somanykitties
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Re: Please, need your support.  My dear friend is
Reply #1 - Jan 15th, 2009 at 11:46pm
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Hi Medicine Guru.  I am a nurse also and I understand how you feel.  For some strange reason the loss of a pet is so much harder than the loss of a human.  I don't know why.   But you did have the opportunity of being with Phoenix when she went to sleep and that means a lot.  I have had the opportunity of doing the same for many of my pets that have had to be put down and while it is the most difficult thing to do, and it hurts more than words can describe, it is something that I would do for any of my pets.  I want to be there for them.  I am sure you feel the same way.  The pain will get easier to deal with over time but you will never forget.  I still grieve over our german sheppard, Elsa, she died in my arms while being put down and I still  cry over her even though it has been at least 20 years ago.  Our pets become a part of us.  Grieve but be happy that she is not suffering anymore and know that she knew she was loved and loved you in return.  You gave her the greatest expression of your love by not allowing her to continue to suffer.  You no doubt have many happy memories of her so think about those good times and think of how she was a part of your life for all her years.  My heart goes out to you and I promise it will get easier with time.   Cry
  

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Re: Please, need your support.  My dear friend is
Reply #2 - Nov 4th, 2009 at 12:43pm
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Dear friend...I know how you feel.  Believe me.  I lost my oldest yorkie, Cody, on Monday night and I cannot function.  Human deaths barely phase me and I thought I was a bad person because I am mourning the death of a pet to the point of insanity.  I have other pups, and I do love them.  But, Cody was so special and was with me through all of life's challenges.  He was born a premie, 1 hour after the others and I was his caregiver his whole life.  His mom didn't pay much attention to him since he was the last out, so I fed him with a dropper.  He became my baby, pure and simple.  He was 11 days shy of his 14th birthday.  I am absolutely devastated and not sure how I will be able to ever feel better again.  So, please know there is someone out there who knows, feels, and understands your pain.  You are in my thoughts.
  
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Re: Please, need your support.  My dear friend is
Reply #3 - Jul 14th, 2010 at 1:43am
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I knew that I would never put Casey Lu down.She wasn't like other dogs! Her kidneys started failing and passing blood. I did the IV's, etc. She could not stand so I did the diapers.I was proud to take care of my dear Casey Lu and begged God to take her and not make me have to euthanize. I am a CET and have to perform this horrible task quite often.Finally, 2 weeks ago, God put a healthy blue heeler in my sight and made realize what Casey had lost down to.The night before, Casey had to be held all night and God laid it on my heart to let her go. I fought it, but then Casey looked at me and told me that it was ok. God told me in some way that he had only been waiting on me and Casey to be ready. So on June 28, I got the vet to come to my house. I had already given Casey a sleeping pill so that she could rest. She was having panic attacks so the pill helped her to relax and sleep. I held her as she slipped away. I feel so sorry for the shelter animals that I care for that they never have the love that Casey had.  I am like the others that posted that an animal death hurts so much more than a friend's death...this is horrible of me..but I lost a dear older co-worker that had been so close to me for 40 years, and I did not cry, but losing Casey has been so hard. I loved that dog and even tho I have had many dogs in my 62 years, my heart is so lonely.  I have adopted a little rat terrior from the shelter and he is a doll..according to all my training it helps to get another pet right away..BELEIVE ME..THERE ARE SO MANY ANIMALS KILLED IN OUR SHELTERS THAT I KNOW OUR PET WOULD WANT US TO POUR OUT OUR LOVE ON ANOTHER PET.  I have been Animal Control Officer for 20 years, please try to adopt and raise that pet as a memorial to our lost best friend.  I  know that Casey Lu liked the terrior and I am sure she is happy in Heaven.  Billy Graham believes that animals are in Heaven and so do I.  Lucille
  
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