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Normal Topic Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog. (Read 2,131 times)
pam
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Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog.
Mar 6th, 2008 at 11:58pm
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Two days ago I had to have my German Shepard of 9 yrs. put to sleep due to kidney failure.I so badly needed to be there with Bear (my dog) and had been reassuring Bear all day that everything was going to be O.k. and that I would be there with him.When I got to the vets office they ask me If I needed to be alone with him.I told them I already talked with him but that I wanted to be with him ,I wanted to hold him till the end.This was the vets wife I was talking to shes  his secretary.She begins telling me that she did'nt think that would be good.I began to cry telling her I wanted to be there so she went to the back to ask her husband,he come out and by now I'm bawling uncontrolably ,he with her backing him up in their fake caring and soft tones of voices are giving me their reasons as to why I should'nt be in there.So she takes Bears leash from me to lead him to the back and Bear won't go.This let me know that Bear knew what was going to happen.Two days prior when I took him he went freely back with her.So I had to take bear back and while walking back there I tried again begging them to please let be be there.I told them that I always said when ever one my animals had to leave this world I wanted as well as needed to be there to hold them and tell them how sorry I was and to tell them how much I loved them when they took there last breath.I even told them that I would promise not to cry If they would let me be there.They again give me lame excuses telling me it would be better for Bear and me If I was'nt in there.I have hated myself a thousand times over again and always will because I was so upset and was not thinking right ,because If I had been I would have taken Bear and walked out and found a vet that was more caring to Bear and my feelings.My pain and the guilt I feel inside won't go away because I keep seeing The look I saw in Bears eyes when I had to turn and walk away leaving him alone with people that did'nt love him.I thought this was suppose to be the pet owners decision not the vets .Is this normal practice?Please will somebody tell me?
  
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petlover36
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Re:  Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog.
Reply #1 - Mar 7th, 2008 at 12:39am
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I am so sorry that you had to go through this.  When I was in elementary school, my cat had heart failure and when the vet called my parents- he told them that he had already put the cat to sleep.  They didn't ask us, and didn't warn us.  It was the beginning of a long legal battle. 

If you pleaded with them to be with your dog while he was being put to sleep, I cannot understand why they would refuse you of that.  I don't know the whole situation, but in my own opinion I think what they did was not right at all.  If someone denied me the right to be with my dog while he was being put to sleep, a dog that I took care of and loved- I would be livid.

Any other opinions?
  
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Tempest
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Re:  Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog.
Reply #2 - Mar 7th, 2008 at 9:30am
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Pam,

I am so very sorry for what you and Bear went through, and I am also sorry that you were prevented from being with Bear during his passing.  There are vets who simply aren't comfortable allowing owners in the room during euthanasia, and there are vets who make that decision on a case by case basis according to what they believe is in the best interest of the animal and owner.  It is often difficult for an animal to see their owner in distress, and your uncontrollable weeping in the waiting room is probably what triggered Bear's refusal to leave you and go with the vet's wife.  In that circumstance, the vet probably felt that Bear would be less stressed by not having to witness your grief during the procedure.

But please don't get me wrong.  I absolutely disagree with the vet and believe that you should have been allowed to be with Bear.  I also understand your guilt at not having taken him to a different vet who would have allowed your presence at his euthanasia.  You would have handled it differently if you had been thinking clearly, but I know all too well how extremely difficult it is to think clearly under those circumstances.  It's an overwhelmingly emotional situation that defies logical thinking. 

You need to stop beating yourself up for being an emotional, loving human being.  Those are the qualities, after all, that Bear adored most about you.  You know that his forgiving, loyal soul is holding no grudges against you ... only love.  Try to find peace in the life and love you shared together.  One horrible moment at the end of his time here does not negate all of the joy that came before.  Let him go with tender remembrance.  Don't hold him here with guilt.  Bear wouldn't want that for you.

I wish you a peaceful grief.

Tempest
  
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Re:  Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog.
Reply #3 - Mar 8th, 2008 at 3:13am
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Thank you both.It seems like with as many animals as I've had in my lifetime it would get easier ,but the older I get the worse it gets.Thanks again.
  
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Tempest
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Re:  Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog.
Reply #4 - Mar 8th, 2008 at 7:25am
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Pam, the way I see it, if euthanizing a beloved companion ever gets easy, something has gone seriously wrong with my mental and emotional health.

Loss and grief are what they are.  They don't become less just because we get older.

Take care,

Tempest
  
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Re:  Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog.
Reply #5 - Mar 8th, 2008 at 11:34am
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Pam, I am so so sorry for the horrible experience you went through, but I agree with everything Tempest said.  You gave your baby love and care and that's what he would remember.  And you have wonderful memories of him.  I also ask to be with my pets when they have to go and fortunately my vet is 100% great with that.  I have had to let go and not be there too and either way it is not easy.  And like Tempest said, it NEVER gets easier.  I still break down and cry over each pet I have had to say good bye to, especially when I come across old pictures of them.  But I have a lot of great memories of the love each and every one of them gave to me unconditionally and I reciprocated the same.  It is good to cry and grieve, you need to do that, but don't let it over shadow the good times and the love you both shared.  You did a loving thing for him and he wouldn't want you feeling guilty for letting him go when he was so sick.  Bear loved you no matter what, always remember that.  My heart goes out to you.
  

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Re:  Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog.
Reply #6 - Mar 11th, 2008 at 10:28am
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Please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved Bear.  I have had to put 2 of my 18+ year old cats to sleep, one in 2005 and the other in 2007.  I miss them both very much.  I still keep pics of them and a cat I had to put to sleep due to ovarian cancer (discovered when I took her to get spayed).  I've been with them all and I understand how I would feel if I couldn't be with them.  I'd look for another vet and ask out front if he/she allows family to be present if euthenasia is needed.  If they answer no, keep looking.  I know my babies went out of this life knowing they were loved.  All 3 have their pics with collar/tags draped over the pic on display in my home (along with the menagerie I still have.

Please just remember that you & Bear loved each other and that the time you had together is precious.  Reflect on the happy time and try to make unhappy passing a fleeting thought.

May you continue to find peace in your memories of Bear.

Cry
  
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Re:  Vet wouldnt allow me to be with my dog.
Reply #7 - Mar 14th, 2008 at 10:57am
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Pam I am so sorry.  Don't beat yourself up over it you did the very best you could for him.  It is a shame that the vet was not more sympathetic to your feelings and wishes.
  
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